© by the.anomalous

Father’s Day will be here in no time. And as long as you know the answer to “Who’s you daddy?” for yourself and for your children, we can figure out how to decorate yo daddy’s man cave.

When you are decorating a man cave you must have a few things, for sure. Once you have some basics, you can then build on his man cave for years to come.

• A Recliner – Dudes need recliners. It allows them to pull their favorite Al Bundy pose (hand down the pants – what its all about and why, don’t ask me).
• Table – They need at least two. One for their beer, soda, tea, whatever they are drinking and one that is longer, and if its pimped out it will have wheels. This table will be the one to put crap on top of. By crap, I mean left over parts, a sports magazine, black or blue ink pens (men hate girly color ink pens) and some scrap paper.
• Mini-Fridge – Where ever this man cave is (even if it is next door to the kitchen) your dude will want his own fridge. He wants to fill it with beverages for him and the other dudes to share. If you want to score bonus points and possibly not get an electric toothbrush for Christmas, get him a Kegerator. Remember, you may still get the electric toothbrush, but at least you can remind him of your awesomeness later.
• Neon Sign – Every dude wants a neon sign. And frankly, it could say “Proctologist” and they wouldn’t care. In fact, they would probably really like it if it did!
• Video Fame or Pinball Machine – Lastly, the dudes would like a game. An old game from their time. Dudes want to remember the fun times before their beloved ball and chain. A  time before the chirrens came along.

After all the basics are bought, you guys can add on with man cave accessories like signs, sports memorabilia, nudie girl posters and just plain old man cave stuff.  So here’s the best part… ready? Okay, so when you want to go antiquing and need some lifting power, tell your man that you want to go look for things to put in his man cave. You, of course, will take him to the stores you want to go to. But girls, you do have to go to places where he’d have a snowball’s chance in hell of finding something. Got it? Good.

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With a spoon. Gag me with a spoon. How totally 80s is that? And that’s not all.

Really. Is there a big demand out there for 80s furniture? Is this new old stock? Here’s the real question…

Are people making this ugly furniture on purpose?

No, are they? When I go shopping with my clients and I see this kind of stuff in the store I wonder who buys it? Intentionally?

I can only imagine that someone would buy this furniture for the following reasons.

1.  They are being held at gunpoint.
2. They have more money than brains and think it’s funny. (hint, it’s not funny you nerd.)
3. They have taste for crap.

Am I right?

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“Shut The Front Door!”

You want to have a front door that is all sorts of awesome. One that when someone walks up to your front door the politely talk about how beautiful it is in a hushed tone because they are stunned you would even have a beautiful front door. They figured you’d neglect your front door all together. Why, with your busy life, you have no time for something only housewives do to show their personality in between cleaning and picking up kids from school.

Now, that door you see over to the right is all about my dream front door. I don’t know if it stems from all those “Three’s Company” episodes I watched as a kid, but I want a door like this more than Paris Hilton wants a couple of brain cells to rub together. The odds of both happening any time soon are slim to none.

In the mean time we can decorate the heck out of our front doors. Detract from your less the perfect dream door.

How?

1. The Wreath. Easy but if you take a few extra minutes you could decorate a wreath to fit any style. Any if you want to be less traditional, find a square one.

2. The Door Bucket. The what? Okay, this one is rather new to me. I mean I know its popular elsewhere, but not until I started selling Willow House did I find the awesome sauce of a door bucket/basket. Stuff flowers in, and VOILA! Done. (If you are eyeing this lovely Welcome Basket from Willow House, it will be back soon. Get on the Design List to make sure you are the first to know when it’s back!)

3. Monogram it!  What? What am I talking about? This. THIS! I want to do it bad.

So, what do you put on your front door or do you leave it naked to the neighborhood?

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It’s over. They are gone. That part of your life is over. You got to suck it up and move on. Don’t be all sad and pissy about this. Turn that frown upside down.

Sigh. So, really. Now what?

We’re starting over. We can do this. We are going to show off your newly single identity. Yes we are. We need a plan. We won’t get there unless we start moving in that direction.

I’m addressing this mainly to the divorced dudes out there. Ladies, it’s not that you are all that when it comes to “Divorce Decor”, but by a larger margin you know these basics. I hope.

First, we can not having your new pad that is supposed to be a Babe Magnet looking all Douche-tastic. Seriously. If you finally score a date that comes back to your place for a night cap and she sees some fugly decor. Forget it. The love affair is over before it begins. Unless they are equally desperate and think they can change you. In that case, run. Run for your life.

First, let’s start with your furniture. If you aren’t going to hire the most entertaining design you know (*cough* me *cough*) then you’ll be going alone on your adventure to furniture shopping. Here’s number one on your list.

1. Buy Traditional Furniture.

I don’t care if your style is “Pottery Barn”, shabby chic, vintage, “Golden Girls” or mid century modern. My goal is to get you on the safe road of decor so at least you aren’t scaring the babes off at first sight. Later down the road when you’re in love and all that crap, you can then create a new home together. For now put on the appearance that you sorta know how to pick furniture by picking something classic. We can always inject your style with other things that are less expensive, like accessories, than the wrong sofa.

So when you go into that big furniture store and get overwhelmed after you walk into the front door, say your style is “more traditional” to the salesperson. If you go and pick out the cheesiest sofa/bed/dining table you can find that’s made out of the most current materials (red pleather, yellow velvet, bright blue leather, or whatever the latest trendy material is) your decor will be dated in no time and you? Well, no dates for you.

2. Pick Normal Art.

Please don’t buy cheesy art. Yes, it could be fun in your rec room, or where ever but if you have light-up cityscapes, dogs playing poker, roosters dressed in ball gowns or whatever other weird shit that is out there in you home. You’re definately not impressing and your date has already assessed you and not their caliber. Really. Think about it. If you went into a professional person’s office and they have “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” posters framed in cheap frames would you want to do business with them? No. And your date isn’t going to want to do anything with you if your art sucks.

3. Introduce the Opposite Sex Into Your Decor

Now this post is mainly for the dudes, but it applies for the newly single lady too. Do not just make a female or male centered decor. Think about it. You are trying to attract the opposite sex, right? So If I am a dude and I go to your flower explosion home I will run for the hills. Straight up. As a chick I go into you home and see chrome, beer bottle lights, and nothing soft I will fell uncomfortable.

Easy way to do this. Women, add some metal decor. Guys like cars, cars are made of metal. The more manly you can go, they will appreciate it. Men, add soft, plush rubbable pillows to your sofa. Ladies love to pet soft fabrics. It’s like catnip for women.

I could go on and on, but I’m hoping this is enough to get you started on the right path. Because when you hire me to decorate your new home with your forever partner, I won’t be shaking my head at your ”Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” posters “art”.

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I had to use the “E” for what I do. I couldn’t just let “E” be famous only for Elmo. Come on.

E-decorating. Ah, how it has changed in a couple years. Designers have come and gone. I’m still here though and what a blast it has been!

I have had the opportunity to design for so many different folks with different styles.

I am so thankful my clients have allowed me to help them with their homes. First, they let me design rooms. Love it! Next, they are totally fine with my humor. Love it! Last, they love my designs and working with me! Love it most! It’s like I get to be a comedian, a designer and find awesome friends along the way!

To be told I have the Jeff Lewis approach to design is just awesome. To a tee that description is.– I think I just channeled Yoda. Anyway, and with who else but my clients could I have this convo…

I was trying to describe lined draperies vs. black out lined draperies. She wanted to know how much light they were going to let in… I asked her if she needed her bedroom to be drug-den dark in the daylight hours? It got my point across perfectly ;-p

Maybe you’re thinking you’d like to have some fun while designing your next room… let’s work together! Maybe you just need some spiffing up? Check out my Willow House store. Can’t go wrong there!

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With Willow House you own your own business.

After attending a Willow House meeting this past week with the leaders of this great company, that is the message that really stuck with me.

It’s something that is seems like a given, but in direct sales I guess it isn’t always that way. I started my interior design business in 2009. Suckiest year EVER to start a business that most people find to be a luxury. You know there aren’t people practically dying to find out what color they should paint their room. Really. I had no idea that there wasn’t a pandemic going on. I thought there was with all the white walls I saw around town.

Anyhow, I started my business with $300. That’s it. I also knew that if I built it and it became a raging success (which it’s going to be) that I could pass it on to my daughter or sell it. It doesn’t look like my daughter, the fashionista, will be designing interiors, but give her time, I might bring her to the dark side and she could be one of only a few well-dressed interior designers. (Joke: most designers I know aren’t known for their stylish fashion choices. Seriously. You wouldn’t know how creative we are by our clothes. It’s like we fly under the radar zapping design out of our incognito finger tips.)

So even if my fashionista daughter doesn’t want to take over my business, I could sell it. That’s what we do in America. We create things, make them awesome and other people buy them. But, what I didn’t know is that the same doesn’t always happen in direct sales. I look at everything I invested into my business. I’ve made my $300 back, but what I have put into creating my business is much more valuable now!

With other direct sales companies you could work hard… Build your customer base, service your customers, create street cred, cultivate team members and make a name for your business. Then if you wanted to sell it and profit off your hard work… TOUGH! Out of luck.

OR

You could die tomorrow (I know we all think we are going to live forevah… I’m going to jump to the end of the story and tell you that we die. Muerto. No Mas.) and all your earnings are gone. Not to be passed down to your children. That money you worked so hard for goes back to the company. No more commissions off the team you cultivated, mentored and loved. POOF! All gone, like you didn’t even exist.

Sure, that company you work for might have an awesome product, be really supportive, but it’s almost like you are working for nothing.

Does your direct sales company allow you to own your business, sell it, or will it to a family member? Nearly all of our competition (with the exception of one other party plan company) denies ownership to their Consultants.

So, I just have this one question… why would anyone choose to build a business for one of our competitors knowing that everything they and their family have sacrificed will disappear if they quit or pass away?

If you want to find out more about Willow House, let me know and I’d be happy to share more with you

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Ahhh… Spring is in the air. Or is that smog?

Are you getting ready to do some spring cleaning? If so, come over to my house. I have lots of spring cleaning for you to do!

You know, as my business blooms into something I couldn’t have dreamed it becomes clear to me that my job is important to you. Now, I’m not getting a big head (I already have a big forehead and can be a forehead stunt double for Andie MacDowell if need be, so that doesn’t count). I am coming into to viewing myself as your personal design concierge.

If we work together on your home on a specific project or you’re a Willow House client I love helping you figure out what design solution is right for you!

Willow House is one of those awesome solutions that I am so glad you all are embracing along with me. So, let’s get decorating with Willow House!!

One of the things that I truly love about decorating with Willow House is the versatility the products have. Here’s just one example…

You can use it for every holiday. You can also use it at parties as a cupcake stand. You can split it apart and use each riser individually, upside down to create a beautiful buffet. You can turn it into a two tiered stand — or even a one tiered stand. Love this piece. You want one? Head on over to my Willow House store to get yours!

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It happens to all of us. We move into a new home and design paralysis takes hold. It makes for an icky situation. Yeah, we hear it all the time, paint is cheap, you can just repaint it if you don’t like. Ugh. Who wants to repaint? We’d much rather be out shopping. So let’s use that color wheel to help you pick colors.

So the point of this color wheel is to make it easier for you to pick out colors that go together. Your wheel is split into warm and cool colors. You know what a warm color is (think heat & summer) and what a cool color is (think ice & winter). Warm colors make people feel like Charlie Sheen on coke. Cool colors make people think of things that are sophisticated and polished like Nicole Kidman’s plastic face.

Colors that would like to go on a date and be happy together are colors called complementary colors. They stare at each other from across the color wheel, longing to hook up one day.

Sometimes threesomes can happen on the color wheel. It’s totally accepted by society. It starts off innocently enough with two (crazy) colors across from each other on the wheel. They hook up one night, but find they want to add something else to the mix. So, one of the colors asks the color next to it if it wants to have some fun with the color across the wheel. Winks, nods and the next thing you know you’re watching a Split Complementary. Hot. I know.

You could hook up three colors in a row, too. These kinds of relationships are called analogous. These colors are close like teal, hunter green and apple green. One color is the main man and the other two are its goddesses. What? Too much Charlie Sheen? OK, you’re right.

We could go on and on with all the hookups that could happen on the color wheel, but it’s going to start looking like a mad orgy in here if we do.

If you want to learn more about all the dirty boogie of the color wheel, you can do what many teenage boys do, go on the internet.

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Not that one.

I mean like this one.

I always like to include a buffet in my dining room designs whenever there is enough room to do so. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t need more storage. If you raised your hand to tell me you don’t need more storage because you are a neat freak, you need to stop reading this now, and go get more stuff. It’s how we do it here in the USA.

We don’t even have to go old school grandma with it and add a hutch. We just get a buffet and add something above it. I like to do it a couple different ways.

Find a nice piece of art that is at least as wide as the buffet. If you don’t have a piece that wide, think of flanking it with other items like smaller pictures or mirrors to fill out the space.

Sometimes I like to see shelves above, too. It’s even more storage, but this is the place where we put the pretty things. Not hide a scarecrow from Halloween. He goes in the buffet till next year. I can’t be the only one who hides holiday decor in my buffet. Right?

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Your good old Uncle Archie had a rug. You need a rug. Unfortunately, his was only big enough to cover his bald head, not your living room floor.

If you buy a rug that is too small it will look like you stole his cold dead toupee from his crypt and threw it in carelessly. People will notice your lack of effort.

Instead, think bigger is better. You want it to go under all your furniture a little bit. Or think of it like a game of Twister. All the (major) players need to be touching the rug. It’s like wrapping your arm around all your furniture pieces and letting them know they all belong to the cool kids club.

Area Rugs can really create zones in an open floor plan. And when you don’t have an open floor plan, they create a grouping uniting the room in a function.

I also like to sometimes start a design from an area rug first or use one to get inspiration for a space.

When you decide where you want the area rug, figure out what shape you will want. Area rugs come in a few different shapes, rectangle, squares, ovals and circles.

Once you got that decided, you need to measure the space. Measure your room and measure the area where you want to put the area rug. The area rug is going to anchor all your furniture, so think of the area rug as a Twister mat. You remember that game, you have to be touching the mat at all times, so does your furniture. So your area rug should be larger than the blank space between your furniture pieces.

Write you measurements down and go shopping.

Living Room. It typically goes in front of the sofa with the coffee table on top. If you have accent chairs, their legs should be touching the area rug as well.

Dining Room. The rug should go under the table and when you pull the chairs out from under the table, the back legs should still be on the rug.

Bedroom. Two approaches one is two place the rug under the bed with enough of the rug showing on either side of the bed. The other approach is to use multiple rugs with one for each side of the bed and one at the foot of the bed. If you go with the first approach, just know you won’t see much of the rug, so choose something that is plain in design.

These beginning steps will set you on your way to selecting area rugs for your home that look right and save you on restocking fees if you hadn’t thought about which rug to go with first.

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