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Ever since I had seen that the Youngsters had found some cool items at the Pottery Barn Outlet, I wished there was one near me. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not a Pottery Barn devotee. Yes, I swoon over the catalogs like a lot of people. However, I don’t have the funds to create my very own Pottery Barn home, and even if I did, I probably wouldn’t. Their stuff is a tad high priced to me. I like quite a bit of their stuff, just not the price tag.

One day recently, I found out that we had our very own Pottery Barn Outlet, not too far from here. It was only going to be a half hour drive. (We don’t talk miles in So Cal, we talk in minutes because it may only be five miles, but it could take you 45 minutes.)

I tried to get my hubby to take a ride down there with me. He wasn’t into it. He asked me what was in it, I hadn’t a clue and couldn’t properly entice him. Perhaps if I had said the Hooters girls would be there looking for some new furniture for their homes that day as a group bonding experience, maybe he’d go. Or not. Tough to call.

As a couple days passed, I became like a celebrity trying to wean myself off the idea that there could be some better drug out there, with the drug of choice being home decor. I started getting pretty antsy and couldn’t take another minute knowing there could be fabulous sales going on and all the Orange County housewives could be buying up all the cool stuff and pretending they bought it for full pop at the South Coast Plaza.

Today was the day. I got in the car and took the ride down to Lake Elsinore. I could not wait and the slow drivers on the freeway were cramping my style. I know they couldn’t have possibly have anticipated how excited a woman could get over discounted apothecary jars, but they should have. A couple middle fingers later, I arrived.

I finally made it. Like a druggie getting their fix, I was so excited. Nothing could bring me down!

Once inside, it seemed so Pottery Barn like . Well, duh! But, it was weird. Like they piped in the catalog vibe just special. Or maybe I’m just a special type of mental case. We can go with the latter, it works for my in-laws.

One of the first things I found were these beautiful Sea Shells. Sure, you could go to the ocean and get your own for free, but they wouldn’t come in a nice plastic box or smell so good. Ah, yes, I was excited and thought to myself that I could add these to my decor. Then I stopped myself. I don’t live near the ocean, I won’t go in the ocean when I happen to see it and I’m not really into the whole beach theme. Reminds me of that episode on 90210 where Brandon find and friends the bum on the beach who is a Vet. Nah, I’ll pass… unless it’s a really good deal. Is it?? *insert obnoxious Alex Trebek’s “No” when a contestant totally Fail Whales it* The original price on these is $19.50, but today I could have them for the ultra low(not) price of $14.99. Puh-lease. I could find all sorts of cheap shells at Save On Crafts.

Here is something that should make me want to whip out my wallet and plop down some cold hard cash for it. It would look so cute in our guest room that has a trundle and a treadmill at this point. But, wait, it’s gonna be totally rocking one day and this clock would make my sister feel like a princess on vacation. Okay, it was a stretch, but I had to try. So how much is this fine piece of Made in China masterpiece? Originally this small pocket watch clock (which would make a man look like he has something else on his mind if it was actually in his pocket) was $29 and it is marked waaaaaay down to $19.99. Really? I could find something way better at HomeGoods.

Glory be! It was fake lemons. Erm, excuse me, I mean Faux Decorative Lemons. (Sounds nicer, huh?) I thought that if I can ever bring myself to buy one of those big ol’ glass Apothecary jars, I could have these fake faux lemons on stand-by to plop right inside. *insert whoopee cushion sound* Original price on the outstanding fake faux lemons was $14.00, but today they could be mine for only $9.99. Excuse me? Couldn’t I buy REAL lemons for less than that? Yeah, I know these could be mine FOREVER, but $9.99 seemed a little too much.

Cruising with the cart and you could have cued the angels in heaven! Or at least the ones who sang in the choir on the show “Amen” (Yeah, I knew you forgot about that show). I saw this awesome piece of  Made in China goodness. How ingenious! Place for the candle and for all the crap decorative items to surround the candle. This and its twin were going home today with me. Or so I thought. *insert wah wah wah sound* Originally priced at $49.00 and today it was marked down to the very low outlet price of $34.99. The whopping savings of $14.01 were mine for the reaping. That was a WHOPPING 28.6% below Pottery Barn retail. Puke. Next.

Ah, here we go. Furniture is a good investment and I like it when it’s cheap like a hooker on Skid Row. Not that I’d know how much a hooker costs (and neither does my husband… I asked). I digress. So here is a nice headboard that I could use to furnish the guest bedroom if the price is right. Show them the price, Barker’s Beauty… Originally it was a staggering $849 for the lovely Madeline twin bed. Today, it’s yours for the low, low, low rider price of *drum roll* $499.98. What? You no likey the pricey? Ay, dios mios, no esta bueno.

Maybe this feller over here will be better priced? Perhaps? Well, it was originally $499 and today it is marked down to $299… but for way less than that you can build your own with Ana White’s Knock-Off Wood plans. I guess if you have no tools and don’t like to build furniture (and it’s not as hard as you think and you could even rent tools), then maybe this is a good price. I think I have seen twin beds cheaper, though. Haven’t you?

Alright, I am moving along. I saw this very typical Pottery Barn sofa. Slipcovered and casual. I know some people claim temporary insanity for any murders committed in connection with obtaining this sofa, so let’s see how we can avoid mass murder, hmmm? The original price on this beautiful white slipcovered wet dream is $1329 but today, if you’re good, you can have it for the discounted price of $797.97! According to the tag it is a “Special Savings”… and at 40% off I’m guessing that is because that is the biggest discount to be found in this blasted store.

Quickly, I see my fantasies of having anything from Pottery Barn in my home fading quicker that Lindsay Lohan’s chances at staying sober.

Well, now this is certainly cute and many sweet children out there in America, who have more toys than many mid-life crisis men do, would love to have it. It originally retailed at $249 and now it can be all mine for $169.99. Why that is 32% off… and the outlet mall did say that the saving start at 30% off… so they weren’t lying, but I haven’t found a damn thing at 70% off or even close to 50% off. Ugh. Here’s another one of those items where you should go over to Ana’s Knock-off Wood site, find the plans and build the whole damn kitchen for less that this one kiddy fridge!

I’ve accepted it. I am not destined to own a damn thing from the Pottery Barn Outlet. I got it, it’s not gonna happen. I’m curious though, as I get ready to leave me dreams behind… here are some Silk Dupioni panels. For ONE panel that is 50″ x 96″ it is originally priced at $99, today it can be all mine for $69.99… at a whopping 33% off this product and about every other damn thing I find, I have had enough. I’m a bargain hunter dammit! These aren’t bargains. This is equivalent to being David Silver in the original “90210″ and knowing he will never get Kelly Taylor. Dude.

Stay tuned, I’m working on a post about a cool place here in the IE (aka “Land of the Dirt People”) that has affordable cool decor items. So, where do you find your affordable or discounted home decor stuff? Is there a place that ALWAYS has hot deals? We should start a list, huh?

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